he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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