Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
