Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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