by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Congratulations! We have a period
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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