you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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