Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
