Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
