That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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