i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
