things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
