Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
