broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
