you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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