Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize