What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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