you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
