I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize