She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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