he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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