Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
