his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
