im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
