like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
