walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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