All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize