I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
