Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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