Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
