im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize