walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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