So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
