and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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