4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
