just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize