Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
