You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
