I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Oh god it's open bar.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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