there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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