So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
