can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
