Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize