just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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