I think my fart just growled at me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
