good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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