i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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