i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
