We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
