The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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