Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Randomize
