If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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