i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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