I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
