I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
