is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
