You're so nebulous sometimes
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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