My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize