All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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