i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
