Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
