I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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