i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
