I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
