Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize