you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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