i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
