and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
