So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
