Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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