I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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