I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
