don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
