I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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