I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
